| Families and MS: Helping Kids to Cope |
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Encourage open communication
Even when there are no visible symptoms,
children pick up on physical and
emotional changes in their parents.
You may not want to talk to your children
about MS for fear of worrying them, but
this may cause uncertainty and fear and
discourage your children from asking
questions and talking about delicate
matters. Open and honest communication
encourages a shared approach to
facing the challenges of MS as a family
and will help children cope.
Keep it simple
Facts about MS should be presented a
little bit at a time without too many
details. Avoid talking about possible,
future consequences since the future is
unpredictable and this may cause
unnecessary concern for children.
Children may not ask questions or readily
talk about their reactions and feelings.
Ask probing questions about what
your child is feeling to gauge their
understanding of the information presented
to them. Don’t push too hard,
though. Children often ask questions
gradually, when they feel the need to
know something.
Consider the child’s age and ability to
understand
Generally, children can cope with
stressful events if they understand
what’s happening and feel like the problem
is being managed. Children of any
age may worry that the parent could die
of MS, or that they could get MS themselves.
By providing opportunities to
talk openly and honestly about MS, children
will be able to confront these fears.
Help children find confidants
Make sure your child has a relationship
with another adult that he or she feels
comfortable opening up to. Often, children
avoid difficult questions or talking
about sensitive matters because they
feel guilty for having negative feelings.
The National Multiple Sclerosis Society
also offers opportunities for children to
talk openly about their feelings.
Every child is different, and it is essential
to acknowledge that each child has
his or her own needs and own capacity
for understanding. Talking honestly with
your children about MS from the beginning
will help them cope and reduce potential fears and concerns.
TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT MS:
Tips for Any Age
Children up to four years.
Since children at this age
are not yet able to understand
the implications of
MS, focus on making sure
that you are maintaining a
safe and familiar family
life where their everyday
needs are attended to.
Preschool age (4-6)
By this age, children benefit
from brief and simple
explanations. Reassure
them that their actions do
not influence the disease
and that they are not to
blame when their parent is
tired, or not feeling well.
Children 6 and over
By now, children are able
to understand more and
may notice more. They
need to be reminded that
they are not to blame for
their parent’s MS.
However, by this age, children
may benefit from
helping to provide care and
they like to feel useful.
Encourage children to help
with small, practical
chores, but don’t let them
take on the adult’s role.
Also, provide your child
with simple explanations
about the disease and life
with MS so that he or she
has information to use
when peers ask questions
or make comments. You
should also talk to your
child’s teachers about MS.
Teenagers
Teens are at risk for taking
on too much care-giving
and too many practical
r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s .
Encourage your teenager
to focus on his or her own
interests and show them
that you can manage without
needing them to take
on too much responsibility.
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